Posts Tagged ‘hope’

Breathe

Every single day of our lives comes with trials, lessons, tribulations, blessings, emotions touching & intertwining with each of our senses. Some wanted. Some unwanted. Mental illness/disorders such as PTSD/C-PTSD, and many others merely intensify these experiences.

For me, faith and a higher being (The Lord) is my saving grace. My light at the end of the tunnel when deep inside, all is black. He blesses me with His unconditional love as a Father, which I have never ever had & don’t know. Feel free to read more about my journey of life not knowing who my Dad is. Leave a comment. Share your thoughts or experiences if you may 🙂

God for my kids & I, He turned what seemed like the end, into a brand new beginning for us. I was homeless. Living in the battered women’s shelter. Lost everything. Surviving the 3rd account of Domestic Violence with my youngest’s Dad, and 3rd intimate abusive relationship. Surviving suicide. Suffering from ADHD, PTSD/C-PTSD, Anxiety, Depression & BPD traits. Everyone has different beliefs. I am certainly not one to judge or shove mine down your throat. Whatever it is that keeps you going, gives you hope, allows you to have the strength to get through each moment of the days we endure & live, this happens to be mine. Hope all you surivivors, amazing souls, community of support here and afar can smile one more smile that maybe you didn’t necassarily have when you woke up this morning!

I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love . I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.- God

I am so in the mindset of a male in many ways, there are moments when I wonder if I’m crazy. Is it really possible to be this open minded? Black and white? Boxes for thoughts for lack of better explanation.

Women are sensitive and emotional creatures. Yes. I am one too no discredit to that. In my daily struggles with PTSD, Anxiety, ADHD, depression & BPD traits there is still this one place where I KNOW truth. I have made mistakes but thinking overkill in certain important people in my current life isn’t one of them.

Women have this unintentional way of taking things ao very wrong and blowing it all out of proportion. At times myself included. No buts. No excuses. It’s just reality. However, it is extremely difficult and hurtful when it feels to me like drama. I try to remember each person for who they are and have shown themselves to be. What their daily struggles are and not discount that. Give grace and patience no matter how hard at the moment.

I choose to take responsibility for my faults. Correct my wrongs. Make a mistake ONE time not over & over. But I will refuse to if it’s not true. It pushes me away but I will win the battle and not give up reminding myself I am true to my word with actions shown.

God please grant me the wisdom and patience I need as well as all others dealing with situations of their own today.

People will be just that. People. We will be just that. People.

Every last one of us has many sides, if you may, to who we are. Some good. Some bad. Some intended. Some certainly not. One thing we all have in common? We all make mistakes. What makes all the difference is how we handle those mistakes. A mistake is only a mistake when made the first time and the lesson is learned. After that it becomes a choice.

Over the last several months I have been faced with many changes (I don’t necessarily do so well with change just FYI). Through all these changes there has been good and bad. I choose to be a happy person pulling myelf out of the slump chosen to be in for 4 days. Taking time to myself to reflect on the trials and tribulations and intense levels of stress turning to silence and God was the best thing I could have done. Some people make promises they can’t keep. Others follow through. Point being it has nothing to do with you. What other people think of me is none of my business.

When we care about ourselves first, are confident in the beautiful soul we are; life comes back full term to what we lost sight of in midst of the choas around us. Working on DBT book, reading further on my PTSD and going to therapy makes a world of difference. Moments of peace and clarity are the beautifully unique moments each of us needs to recenter and get back to the healthy state we were in before all the chaos started again. I will not allow others to determine my smile, inside or out. I will NOT allow people from my past to burden my state of mind effecting life of today any further. The beauty of knowing it is all still here within me is all that matters and those people and things are not as big as God or me. 🙂

Whatever you may be battling with from day to day I hope this may bring you sunshine in the darkness and hope to the future of your brightness. It’s in there we just have to dig it back up.