Archive for the ‘Disassociation’ Category

Wishing I didn’t feel anything at all. Not to be confused. Not to have my heart breaking. Not to feel anxiety. It would just be so much easier. 

The urge to cut is strong but I am stronger. With the help of a confidant and friend in the Lord it is a bit more bearable. I just feel so “EMPTY”. 

Unwanted, unloved and lost. All that I knew and grew to open up and love too is no longer it seems. Its all just “EMPTY”. 


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Stay put don’t cut. Stay put don’t drink.

Don’t drive or wreck. 

Just be still & let it pass. 

Write it out…….I hate myself. Ruin the good creating unnecessary hurt. No therapy for going on almost 3months? Maybe. Yeah so I tried as much as I could. They said no. 

honest. Calm. Quiet. Genuinely tried. Failure. 

Wanting to cut. Hard. Harder than the last. Embarrassed. Ashamed. What happened to my strength? 

Stupid. “Insane.” Will never be good enough again. This is it, Me. 

The alcohol will make it numb. Not worth the risk. Wait is it. Maybe for the moment if it makes the turmoil and shitstorm go away that I create around me. 

Kids gone. I’m lost. He’s mad. AGAIN. I’m fault. 

Stay away. They will all be happy. 

That slit again. Against the skin. It is the freedom I live in. Hide it well. Don’t give in. They won’t know. Stay far away again. No hurt, no harm done. You all can smile. I’m out of your sun.