Another one, really?…….Acceptance? ok fine :) [diagnosis]

Posted: April 8, 2015 in ADHD, Anxiety, BPD, Depression, honesty, Hope, Mental Illness, PTSD, Trauma
Tags: , , , ,

How do you accept your diagnosis? 

I have been diagnosed with the following:

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder) since I was a child

PTSD/C-PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complex PTSD)

Anxiety (Severe Level)

Depression (Periods of)

and most recently, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder Traits)

Until a few weeks ago I have was pretty used to and/or accepted my previous list of diagnoses. When I was diagnosed with BPD traits, it didn’t bother me at first. Then a few days later it hit me like a sledge hammer. I cried, felt lost, ashamed, angry at moments, pissed that I now had to deal with yet another disorder. I started this draft 23 days ago. Clearly, taking me that long to get back to it, I wasn’t very positive as a whole.

Well, in the last few weeks I hit a marked low for me. On the upside, I have come back up a bit since Sunday. The weekend was overwhelming for me on top of the already heavy load of stress going on but I realized, it helped. I wanted to be alone. With the Easter holiday this past weekend there was a house full of people and a ton of activity. I am an introvert, that has been realized more in the last 3 years of my life. I needed quiet time. Time to think. Time to rest my brain and emotion. However, that wasn’t necessarily the best thing or in His (God’s) plan. Clearly. Almost 30 people on Easter day alone surrounding me. What did I want to do more than anything over the last few weeks? DRINK. DRINK and PASS OUT. Except I didn’t. With the help and support of my boyfriend, friends, and family I kept going and only had a glass of wine once or twice. I’ve never had an addictive personality, other than cigarettes and sex at times, so being an alcoholic wasn’t a worry. Yet, knowing that I wanted to drown the emotional and mental pain made me realize I was wanting to self medicate in absence of the meds I used to be on to get through the internal horror I was experiencing.

Instead, I took the time to hang out with my kiddos, read about mental illnesses, the effects different levels of hormones and meds have on our brains. I had to shake off the horrific, sweat dripping nightmares I woke up to, push away the thoughts of suicide and hopelessness going through my head and chose to do these things instead:

1.) Take a walk on the beach alone or in the neighborhood with my kids

2.) Talk to my 2 closest friends

3.) Paint at my boyfriends while blasting a few of our favorite bands in my ears, banging my head to the beat!

4.) Cry it out (every moment I had alone just sob & weep like a baby)

5.) Go to the NAMI meetings & attend my 2nd workshop class (even though I just wanted to sleep)

6.)  PRAY, PRAY, PRAY

Then came the last few days…….my mood calmed down, I listened to my body telling me it was tired and rested. Suddenly, I accepted it. Accepted it all. Reminded myself I had therapy coming up in 2 days, had my first DBT session (will be posting about that later for you to read if interested), reminded myself of the positives, kissed my kids, thanked my family and friends, hugged my boyfriend as soon as he got home & said, “I can do this! Today is a new day! I CAN & WILL do this and get through it!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still up and down but staying focused and positive knowing that it will get worse before it gets better but, IT. WILL. GET. BETTTTTER! 

Biofeedback therapy started yesterday and today was my first DBT therapy session. It’s gonna be rough having to rehash all the crap that caused me to be right here today with Mental Illness difficulty but it’s the only way to continue the growth I’ve worked my ass off for over the last several years. It is the only way to continue getting stronger for myself, my kids, and embrace the blessing in relationship with the blessing of a man in my life.

Hoping this post can help touch those that feel exhausted and needing some encouragement to NOT give up 🙂 

Advertisements
Comments
  1. naughtydaydreams says:

    Sometimes a diagnosis can help by just giving a name to something. Diagnosis and names however don’t change who you are or how you are feeling. You are still you. You still feel the same both the good and the bad. Hang in there. You will get through it

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Hoping this post can help touch those that feel exhausted and needing some encouragement to NOT give up :)”

    Thank you for your courage and transparency in this post, mistaken. Truly a credit to your username. I believe you will achieve your wish. I believe SO many others will be given hope with your words.

    Am really interested to read future posts on DBT and how you live with your PTSD/anxiety. You have wonderful coping strategies.

    Thank you again for your inspiration.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. riss6270 says:

    Loved reading your post. I try not to focus what someone says I have. I try to prove them wrong. I feel once you have a label attached to you it stays with you. I feel people can change and get better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mistakenldy says:

      So glad you enjoyed this and thank you for taking the time to read it 🙂 I have learned and must continuously remind myself of this one sentence, ” What others think of you is none of your business.” People are souls and we share the belief they can change as well as get better. There are always going to be bumps in the road, shifts in the plan and changes to the comforts we know but that is what makes life worth while.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. mistaken’, I’ve nominated you for an award. You can view the details here – http://wp.me/p5HZgm-iX

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Great post! This is very helpful. I wish that I had it when being first diagnosed.

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistakenldy says:

      Thank you Anna. How long ago was that? Hope you find other posts and any information on my blog helpful in the future 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistakenldy says:

      Thanks for reading Anna 🙂 14 years must seem a journey but you are definitely walking that journey with others not alone. Struggles and battles I face daily are what I try to stay focused on positively although I am not the best at. Please don’t hesitate to reach out anytime. I would love to talk further and learn from one another.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Loves your post. I was recently told I had “mild borderline traits” and I felt similar feelings but it helped to remember I suffered due to traumas I did not cause that scarred me. I could help myself by loving my inner child holding her hand and giving her solid loving boundaries. There are great helpful sites with very honest people who heal and recover…we are affected by our past damage but it doent have to rule our future lives if we learn and commit to growing and loving ourselves…wishing you heaps of support and encouragement ♡♥

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistakenldy says:

      So glad you enjoyed reading this 🙂 you are absolutely right! I wish you the best of luck in your growth & hope we can bounce off one another again with support & positive reinenforcements❤️ our past is certainly not our future!

      Like

  7. janetcate says:

    Acceptance has been the key for me as well. It does get better. At this point I feel more freedom and acceptance of myself than I ever had. The joy and bliss this brings is incredible to feel. Glad I know I deserve the joy and bliss now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mistakenldy says:

      Absolutely! Glad you have found that peace within yourself. I am there with the outlook that each day is a new opportunity to learn and grow 🙂 Thanks for the follow and for taking the time to read my post.

      Like

  8. You have empathy and compassion. This makes you special. There are plenty of people without mental disorders, that do not bother to care about other people.
    It shows a great integrity and strength of spirit to reach out and show empathy for other people who are suffering.

    You can work on the drinking and also avoidant personality a little at a time. The Avoidant Personality Disorder is hard to fight . I have trouble doing many things, due to the panic that arises when I begin (or think about) doing them.

    I have not written a post about that particular disorder lately. I might do some soul searching and some research later this evening about it. I end up with problems because I have put things off and the problems make the situation worse than if I had just done the damn things in the first place.

    But it is easier to say I should do the stuff than to actually force myself to do it. I have experimented with some methods that helped. I will write about them in my post.

    Thank you for being you.
    Someone said that to me once “Thank you for being You” and I thought it was the very best complement that I ever received.

    Much love,
    Annie

    Liked by 1 person

  9. mistakenldy says:

    Thank you more than words I can type at the moment Annie 🙂 You brought a smile to my face and encouragement to a tired soul. I’m not generally an avoider just moments of regression & angst can be my downfall. I work on it regularly. As well at finding the equal balance at how to approach a problem/unwanted issue at hand. I look forward to reading your posts & take look deeper at myself maybe learning something, growing from that too. Avoidance only stunts us from being happy and growing as individuals. It’s kinda like this in my head, we all know we aren’t “crazy” like the world’s stigma of mental illness can say. Yet the saying is very true in itself, “When you do the same exact thing over and over and over again making the same mistakes, never changing but knowing there’s a problem; that’s crazy” I appreciate your acknowledgement and kind words so much. You are an inspiration where needed my friend!

    Like

  10. […] my youngest’s Dad, and 3rd intimate abusive relationship. Surviving suicide. Suffering from ADHD, PTSD/C-PTSD, Anxiety, Depression & BPD traits. Everyone has different beliefs. I am certainly not one to judge or shove mine down your throat. […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s