Living and learning with PTSD [the problem]

Posted: March 14, 2015 in Anxiety, Hope, PTSD, relationships
Tags: , ,

How do you or your partner handle the ups and downs of your PTSD? 

Everyday is a struggle in the whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, flashbacks, moments that come and go. I never know when it’s going to happen. It just does. One minute I’m happy, secure, life is great. The next minute, I am crying and my thoughts are racing. Fighting the battle in myself. Pushing everyone away unintentionally. When will I ever be free?

Running is only temporary. Pain doesn’t subside. The images don’t disappear. The thoughts still so clear.

Last night was intense. Directly following intimacy, the fear of going to sleep took over. Mind racing, tears falling, can’t catch my breath. He lays next to me stroking my hair and felt the wetness of my tears. Asks me if I’m ok holding me close. It’s like this temporary possession of my soul. Scared, freaking out and completely helpless in that moment. It’s not his fault. It’s not ok. It’s hurting him. How Lord do I make it go away?

Time alone I grew to know ME. All of me. Where I came from. Who I am and who I used to be. Finally knew what I wanted and what made me happy. Feeling totally happy and content finally in my own skin. Then came the healing. Years of therapy, medications, coping skills and educating myself, I had it all down. HA! So I thought. Mental illness is never mastered. It is a daily challenge, I know it’s possible because I’ve been doing it and so do so many others.

Being in a relationship has made me realize it’s possible for someone to accept and work “with” me not run from me or push against me. Walking hand in hand in our journeys of being perfectly imperfect which is perfectly OK!

Everyone of us has flaws, some of us have deep wounds, others….they hide them well. Each day is a blessing we are given but must not be expected. Give yourself grace. Give everyone else understanding. We have the ability to make our worlds (internally & externally) a better place! 

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Comments
  1. Powerful and thought-provoking, mistakenldy. You are a courageous soul and we benefit into the insight of your world. Thank you for letting walls down so others may learn.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. […] Silence is sometimes the most calming & effective thing for people like me. I have severe PTSD, anxiety AND ADHD. Click on the link to read more about this. Ha! Sucks but it is what is; reality as a part of life […]

    Like

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